I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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