The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
