i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize