all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
