I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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