these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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