he thought i was a dude.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
