im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
