I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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