U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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