I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
soo... how was my night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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