Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
