I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
