if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
