ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just pee around me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize