let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
