If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
