y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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