if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
