yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
