apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
