Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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