just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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