: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We named our party play list daddy issues
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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