They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
