Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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