oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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