Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
