I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
