I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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