I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
