I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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