I wanna bring you to show and tell
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
