Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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