I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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