I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize