i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
