Soap is not a condiment
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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