i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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