Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
a search helicopter?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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