I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize