Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
