How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
