new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
