so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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