I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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