You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
