Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
