just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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