I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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