this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
