I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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