hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize