Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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