bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
