i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
