I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How's work?
Spinning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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