Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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