I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
