I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
