It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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