Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
