so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
