We're like a lot better than the average bears
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize