I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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