OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
