We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
