My nipple is on Facebook.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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