i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it's like iHOP with fire
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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