you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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