I wanna bring you to show and tell
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
