On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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