i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
