I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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