she looked like the before picture.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
