well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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